Four years ago tonight

Tonight, four years ago, I gave birth to a screaming infant while an episode of The Office was on the labor room TV. Poignant memory, I know.

I had no idea what I was getting into and I was really, truly afraid of labor and the pain I knew it would bring. It was all worth it. It has all been worth it. I can’t believe Madelyn is four years old today. I’m feeling a bit emotional this year. Even in the last two weeks, she is showing signs of becoming more independent of us, and while that means Frank and I have done something right as parents, it is a bittersweet feeling.

For all the things I may have taught her, she has taught me so much more. Like how to give when you think you really don’t have anything left to give. Parents somehow find patience, energy, understanding -- all those things you sometimes deny to yourself or to those you love. A child just takes and takes. And they give and give.

Maddie has taught me that I am in fact not “bad with kids,” as originally thought before I had kids. She has taught me that while explaining things to her, I myself always learn something new.

Madelyn made Frank and me a family.

And while for me there were some dark days when I thought I had to give up all of Janet to be Maddie’s Mom, she reminded me to laugh and play and tickle and hug, and I learned to love that silly part of myself again.

I guess in a selfish way, her birthday is a milestone for me as well. While sitting in her reading chair last night, between play time and book reading, I managed to convince her to be still for 45 seconds. I looked at her beautiful face and told her how much I love her and how proud I am of her and all that she has grown to become. I told her that I would always, always love her and do anything for her. I needed to tell her all those things, even if she is only turning four and not eighteen.

By this time, the Mommy waterworks were flowing and she looked at me with a sullen face and said something very meaningful……. “Mommy, can you not talk like that anymore?”

That’s why I love her. She makes me laugh even when I’m crying.

Holiday Rewind

It's time for a holiday rewind. Frank was good enough to post the last blog entry, but we discovered that half the holiday photos were on our old camera and half on the new one he gave me on Christmas Eve. There were tons of holiday photos of the kids that might never see the light of day (or blogosphere). That's no fun! Serves me right for only posting once a month, I guess.

So I'll make this photo heavy and light on comments. December flew by and was made all the more interesting by sickness, falling Christmas trees (yes!), and the wonderment in the eyes of the kids. Here comes the December rewind:

Maddie: Mommy, can I hug the Christmas tree? I'll be gentle.
Me: Sure, honey. (thinking: how is this going to go?)
Maddie: (opens arms big and gives the tree a huge hug without even touching it)

Maddie hanging her Christmas ornament from last year -- a cupcake. She was really into the ornament hanging this year. Mason, well not so much.

But he thought that the tissue paper the ornaments were wrapped in sure was fun!!

"Wow. This tree garland is great for my yoga poses. I can lift my leg with this thing!"

Mason stylin' in his new denim jacket that I called only three stores to get shipped.
Worth it!

Mason and Maddie dressed and ready to go to their daycare Christmas play.
These are some overdressed kids, folks. But oh how sweet!

Noah and Maddie in their holiday finest at the daycare Christmas play. Cuteness!

December 23rd: annual visit to Meadow Village restaurant (yum) and Meadow Lights.
Grant couldn't attend this year, but we ate enough for him.
Stella Dot and Maddie were SO excited.

Maddie even sat on Santa's lap. I have a now-missing photo of the "Santa meeting," but basically the conversation went like this:

Maddie: I can say 'ho, ho, ho!'
Santa: Really? Let me hear it.
Maddie: (emphatically) HO, HO, HO!
Santa: That's very good. What would you like for Christmas?
Maddie: It's a bunch of stuff. I can't tell you!

Frank and Mason preview the lights before we board the train.

Aboard the train, Maddie gets a closer look at the lights.

Where did this cheesy grin come from?

Maybe he's happy because we finally reassembled the tree after it fell TWICE and crushed the ornaments I've collected for 13 years. But hey, at least it didn't fall ON anyone!!

Making Christmas sugar cookies with me. Maddie was SO much more interested in the baking this year. She really did a great job. Thanks to my friend Nicole, who gave us the cookie mix set!

Adding decorations. Lots of icing!

Ugh. Cookie-mouth Mason!

The intention here was to capture how much food coloring stained Mason's little tongue and lips. This may be more than your eyes bargained for. Regardless, the food coloring was so "strong" that I was almost ready to take him to the pediatrician, when Frank finally figured out why my baby had been pooping a rainbow of colors for days. Cookies!

Our annual Christmas Eve cheese fondue feast. A tradition from PB (pre-baby) times.

The kids' loot. An upright tree! Thanks, Santa!

Happy New Year!

7 pm New Year's Eve! Partied too hard.